Friday, July 13, 2012

Liquid Awesome

Today, I'd like to write to you about a topic to which I think many of you may relate. And about which you may like some education slash chuckles. Heavy on the chuckles.

This topic is sweating.


In entries of days gone by, I have discussed my sweating before and how sometimes I feel like maybe it's just me. Who is sweating a lot.

Well, a couple of weeks back I got my answer. (And then I just let it marinate in my mind before sharing with you.) As you may recall, the temperature was, has been, and looks like it will continue to be in the upper 90s with humidity akin to the Peruvian rainforest. This makes NYC, in particular, truly, unconditionally miserable. For those of you who have never lived in this city during the summer, let me try to explain to you what makes this city unique in its nastiness: As a pedestrian environment, you are truly forced into outdoor exposure in a manner that is truly second-to-none. And in order to get anywhere, one must decend into the second level of hell (i.e. the Subway) and literally roast like a ham until the subway arrives. What compounds the issue is the unique aroma of New York in the summer: a mix of trash, sweat and homelessness that permiates your skin and stays with you wherever you roam.

Lovely, right?

Now through it all, if you are like me, you are perspiring. I'm the type of person who sweats in a winter jacket on a sub-zero day. Things get real for me in the summer. Especially when I'm working out.

Okay, so now we get to the good stuff. During one of the hotter days of a heat wave a couple of weeks back, we did an 8 miler. Normal run for me now (weird, right?) but not when you're running through a jungle.

During my run, I was accompanied by a nice girl I had never ran with before and one of the coaches. We were discussing recovery drinks (a topic for another day). So then the coach turns to me and says:

"As a particularly heavy sweater, you should also eat pretzels after the run to regain salt to your body."

Needle scratch on the record! What! Let's dissect this sentence, shall we?

PART I - The overall theme: Your sweating is so apparent, I will tell you this without prompting. As your coach, I literally am compelled to mention it.

PART II - You are a particularly heavy sweater: Well, thanks, jerk! I mean, I kind of figured but my god! I've never been actually rated before! 

PART III - Eat Pretzels: This actually makes perfect sense so can't argue with it.

So there you have it. First-hand confirmation that I am empirically gross. Why do I publicize this on the interwebs, you ask? Well I want to do a few things. First: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I feel like I might have other people in my life who sweat. A few, but a critical mass. We can start an organization for heavy sweating and have a benefit. Maybe get guest speakers. I'm on it.

I also wanted to say that the best thing you can do if you are a heavy sweater like me is avoid grey. Seems simple and self-explanatory, but you would be surprised at some of the mistakes I have made with my wardrobe over the years. Also good socks help. As do lack of social graces.

Finally, I wanted to tell you about the greatest invention ever who I also think should sponsor me.  This invention is the Bondi Band which is wicking material you wear as a headband to prevent your own sweat from blinding you. I have three. One says "Wanna Race?" and has a picture of a turtle. One says "Running is Cheaper Than Therapy" (true story).

My favorite one, however, seems to be most appropriate:
That's what we call "owning it."
In closing, tomorrow at 7:30 am I'll be doing my first double-digit training run of the 2012 Marathon Season. Let's see what more awkward unsolicited advice I get!